An Educational Search for Key Messages, Benefits
(May 6, 2004)

In the world of higher education and college recruitment materials, some universities need to put a "higher" priority on clear and effective writing.

Each day, the postal carrier delivers anywhere from one to 10 college marketing brochures, direct mail pieces and sales letters from schools large and small - targeting our high school daughter. Most colleges aggressively begin their marketing and recruiting efforts during the student's junior year in high school.

Thumbing through the vast amounts of direct mail, I'm amazed by the poor level of writing and messages communicated in some of these pieces. Granted, some of college collateral is spectacular - intriguing, informative, easy to read and beautifully designed. Other pieces need major editing, creativity and a good sales pitch.

Here are three examples of the latter.

"X College is one of the nation's foremost institutions of higher education and its heart is X College." That is how one flyer began to describe an Ivy League university. What was this writer thinking? This is like saying, "Chicago is one of the nation's leading cities and its heart is Chicago." Gibberish.

Another letter attempts to grab our attention with three very long sentences filled with college jargon. It notes how the "College Board has provided your name to us" and we "invite you to learn about the special character of our University" and the college "prides itself on a long and rich tradition of serving…" Boring. Tell us something new and interesting quickly, the attention span of a teenager - and parents - can be short.

Lastly, one letter starts, "By now you've received many brochures, emails and letters from different colleges because you said you'd like to learn more about colleges when you took the PSATs." After they've stated the obvious, why should I read any further?

Whether it's college collateral or marketing materials, we all should keep a few things in mind about writing clearly and effectively for our target audience. Here are some good reminders to follow when writing sales materials:

• Focus on customer benefits - ask the "so what" question after each sentence. Will the reader really care?
• Put yourself in the customer's shoes - if you were the reader, what information do you want to glean from the materials? Don't bury this information.
• Get to the point; use bullets to highlight information. Keep copy brief and easy to read.
• Have a call to action. Spell out what you want the reader to do - complete the form, set up an appointment, read the materials or visit a website.
• Be creative - skip the jargon and wordy sentences.
• Include testimonials and headlines in letters - think outside the box.
• Ask someone to edit the materials - a fresh pair of eyes never hurts.